Is the 7-Year Itch a Myth or Fact?
The seven-year itch was term coined after a 1955 film starring Marilyn Monroe in which she charmed her neighbor into straying while the wife and family are out of town for the summer. Since that time the term has come to mean disaster and infidelity in the life cycle of a marriage and sometimes viewed as a myth perpetuated by Hollywood.
However, this so called myth may be based on some degree of truth. According to several studies 95% of couples will express a decline in happiness and satisfaction in the first 10 years of marriage.
From the survey the researchers found that there were two general periods during which marriages suffered from angst and dissatisfaction. The first occurred after the fireworks and passion had subsided after the honeymoon phase or around year four. Then again this happened around year eight.
Others have a more anthropological view of things and believe that humans were designed to give birth every four years. This four-year span was enough for a couple to pair up, birth a child and rear it through infancy before splitting up for another coupling. This is a rather interesting view of marriage and life-time commitment but one which bears at least a comment. Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction? If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?
According to an anthropologist at the Human Evolutionary Studies from Rutgers University this represents a four year itch because of ‘biological programming’ and doesn’t have anything to do with sociological or emotional issues. Rather it has something to do with our desire to reproduce. Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction? If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?
On the other hand, according to other experts, the first decline at four years is normal as they adjust to their new titles, positions and responsibilities to each other. The second 8-year benchmark is often associated with the addition of children to the family. Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction? If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?
Couple who think they are going through a seven-year itch find they will begin to disagree with each other more, show less affection and share fewer romantic moments and thus feel generally unfulfilled in their marriages.
But, while some experts believe the seven year mark is more fiction or coincidence than reality statistics from the late 1980’s and early 1990’s show that the median duration of marriage that ended in divorce was 7.2 years.
Although the statistics don’t hold true for every couple there also seems to be steeper declines in satisfaction of marriage for couples who have had children. There are several theories as to why couples with children may find that their satisfaction with marriage declines but the one that makes the most sense is that they also have less time for themselves and each other with the increased responsibility. With decreased time to nurture their relationship feelings and closeness suffers. Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction? If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help? If not, then where does the myth come from?
With the information that researchers and psychologists have about relationships and marriage the best guess is that although there is a greater degree of dissatisfaction around year seven as couples learn to cope with the stressors of everyday life and a growing family, the definition wouldn’t normally be called an ‘itch’ but rather a realization that the relationship isn’t the honeymoon it once was. However, most couples find that with patience, compassion and mercy for themselves and each other they are able to work past the bumps in the road and move toward a satisfying long-term relationship that is satisfying into their retirement years.
The Real Problem is Not the Itch
The real problem is that people go into marriage with unrealistic, dysfunctional expectations. Dysfunctional? Really? Yes. Couples often approach marriage with the assumptions or expectations that marriage will be:
- Marriage will not require an enormous amount of effort to keep it alive and growing.
- Marriage ceases to be something of value as soon as the fireworks stop or lag.
- Once the spark leaves it means the marriage is dead without any possibility of reviving the electricity and pleasure.
- It’s OK to cheat if you don’t get caught. Besides, cheating is normal.
The striking thing about this list is not only that it is generally true of couples’ expectations, but it is 180 degrees in the opposite direction of how couples with long, healthy marriages view the marriage relationship.
