Do you walk around with a sense that something isn’t right or a feeling of unease? You work to cover up your feelings for the sake of a peaceful marriage or to avoid conflicts with the family. Women who have difficulty with self-esteem or feel they have no self-worth are often more at risk of becoming involved in relationships where they are abused either verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically. Sometimes the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship isn’t recognized by either partner.  If you are in an abusive relationship, marriage councelling is not likely to help.  It’s more important that you understand what is going on and draw from the wisdom and planning that  other people have developed while walking along similar roads to yours.  Secrecy is your greatest enemy.  Why?  Because that’s how you lose perspective which leads to decisions that you have profound regrets about later.

Sometimes wives or husbands right off the behavior as moodiness or that the person is having a bad day. The abusers personality is often described as being high strung or difficult. And the abuser may or may not apologize. According to some experts there are approximately 4 million women who are physically battered each year. Some say it’s a conservative number and that this number can never really be determined. This physical battering between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends has been a silent problem for years. Many times women are embarrassed or shocked to be the victims of abuse and so they try to hide it. The avoid marriage councelling. Sometimes the abused don’t recognize they are being abused. And sometimes the abused don’t feel as if they have a choice. There are warning signs that may or may not be evident in a dating relationship or may show up after the marriage has taken place. If and when you notice them take heed and watch carefully. Only through recognition will the abused be able to take the steps needed to protect themselves physically and mentally as well as the well-being of their children.

One warning sign of an abusive marriage or relationship is harsh, continual criticism of physical appearances. This type of abuse begins with seemingly innocent suggestions and progresses to demands or ridicule. This type of abuse escalates over time and often chooses to degrade physical appearance. Disrespect and dishonor will often lead to other forms of abuse. Have you heard of the saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Fortunately this is often very true. To many times people get involved in relationships before getting to know the family. The fortunate part is that patterns of abuse are handed down from generation to generation within families.

Without individual or marriage councelling, a partner can lose self-confidence in a big way.  This leads to huge distortions in excuse-making:  “He didn’t really mean to hurt me… besides, it was my fault for making him angry.

An Ounce of Prevention or a Pound of Marriage Councelling Later?

Getting to know the family may be the best estimation that a dating partner has to get a glimpse into their possible future. Because abuse is such a secret it is usually hidden from people outside the family. But there are a few traits that can be identified in people who were raised in an abusive relationship. Alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental or verbal abuse leave signs behind for years to come. If your partner doesn’t voluntarily give up the details you can ask questions to flush out the whole story.

Answers to questions about parents personalities, how parents resolved conflict, if one parent always gives in or how parents disciplined the children will give clues to how respect is handled in the family or reflect selfishness. Usually violent people can’t let go of their anger. They have a deep need to control their environment. And the rules of their control of their environment can change within minutes.

For instance the abuser may have certain rule about behavior in the home but these rules can change instantly if the change allows him or her to release their anger on the person being abused. These threats must be taken seriously. If the person you are dating or are married to has trouble managing their anger don’t overlook their behavior. Don’t pass off the behavior because they had a hard day, are high strung or were so sorry later. There are dangerous consequences of continuing the relationship. Does your partner: Destroy your personal belongings? Touch you in ways that hurt or scare you or forbids you from seeking medical attention? Make you feel humiliated? Dominate or control your behavior? Threaten you with violence? Or isolate you from friends and family? Control your money? If you answer yes to any of these questions these are signs of an abusive marriage or relationship. What if your partner: Checks up on you’re a lot? Listens in on your phone calls or constantly asks where you are. Puts you down. For example name-calling, criticism, or private/public humiliation. Justifies their jealously as a sign of love or threatens the people, family or pets you love. Then you are in an abusive marriage or relationship. The emotional scars from mental, physical, emotional or verbal abuse can last a lifetime. Regardless of the type of abuse you may have suffered, or your gender, learning to identify the situation correctly by the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship will help you to remove yourself and your loved ones before there are more serious consequences.

For more resources and tips see Marriage-Councelling-Tips.com.

Anger, moodiness and arguments happen in all marital relationships. Every couple has arguments and disagreements. Every couple gets angry now and then – sometimes with each other, sometimes with circumstances of life. When anger is due to hypoglycemic symptoms, then eating a snack becomes more important than marriage councelling. Everyone gets moody now and then and may snap at their loved ones.

But what about when anger or marital arguments boil over into something far more serious?  Uncontrollable anger could be a result of hypoglycemic symptoms and if you or your spouse suffers from bouts of uncontrollable anger, or your arguments get out of hand, it’s possible that hypoglycemic symptoms are messing with your relationship.

Hypoglycemia is a condition where the brain isn’t getting enough of its main food – glucose. Glucose is a sugar that’s produced by the liver and is delivered in steady doses to the brain. This enables the brain to function correctly and to oversee the functions of all of your body’s systems. When the brain isn’t getting enough glucose, it can’t handle its many functions well, and you begin to notice hypoglycemic symptoms. They are:

• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Headache
• Hunger
• Shakiness
• Irritability
• Paleness
• Moodiness
• Clumsiness
• Confusion or lack of concentration
• Tingling around the mouth

You’ll notice that irritability and moodiness are two of the hypoglycemic symptoms on the list. If you add a pounding headache and confusion to the mix, you have the perfect breeding ground for anger. Because the brain is already not functioning well, it doesn’t have the capacity to regulate moods and reactions as well as it would if it were getting enough glucose.

You can see how hypoglycemic symptoms may lead to an angry outburst. Over-the-top anger is bad in any situation and can cause damage well beyond just the immediate outburst. In a marriage, if there are severe outbursts of anger and arguments, the outcome could be damage that is simply not repairable.

It’s important to be checked for hypoglycemia if angry outbursts are common. If the diagnosis is positive, treatment is fairly straightforward and fairly easy. Watching for hypoglycemic symptoms is your first step to ending anger and marital arguments that are just too much to take. Ask for a glucose tolerance test if there is suspicion that you or your partner are suffering from hypoglycemic symptoms.

Even if hypoglycemia is diagnosed and treated, you’ll still have times of irritation and some arguments – this is normal in any marriage. But if you treat the hypoglycemia carefully, you’ll find that the worst of the anger and arguments subside, as do the other hypoglycemic symptoms, leading to a happier, healthier life for everyone.

Who Will Advocate for Your Kids if You Don’t?

Starting  series of marriage councelling sessions can be an important way of caring for your children.  Unrelenting arguing between husband and wife is the perfect recipe for your child to develop an anxiety condition. The overwhelming emotions that the younger child feels combined with the sense of powerlessness to do anything about the problem eventually makes the child feel trapped.  When child knows mom and dad are in marriage councelling, he or she can relax because, in their minds, something is being done about the problem.  They don’t have to worry so much.

Child Anxiety Attacks

But when a child sees no solution her feeling of being trapped becomes the perfect soil for the symptoms of anxiety attacks. Just like adults, children experience fear, anxiety and apprehension. These are but normal emotional experiences that a person feels regardless of age. However, if anxiety becomes irrational, recurring and severe, and anxiety attacks happen without any apparent reason, and the reaction is disproportionate to the problem at hand, it can be a cause of concern.  Another benefit of marriage councelling in this case is that the parents may be a little more relaxed and thus have enough “mental space” to be attentive to how the conflicts are effecting the children.

This is why on the first signs of problem, have your child get proper diagnosis by a health professional to be able to rule out any possible causes and determine the right treatment to be applied. Since recurring anxiety attacks are often signs of an anxiety disorder, it is important to know what happens to a child who is suffering from a particular disorder.

To be able to identify it, here are the following symptoms:

1. Frequent feeling of fear and panic
2. Bed wetting
3. Tantrums and excessive crying
4. Fear of making mistakes
5. Fear of getting embarrassed
6. Avoidance of certain activities such as school event and summer camps
7. Nightmares and night terrors
8. Compulsive behaviors
9. Resistance to any change
10. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
11. Overly shy and difficulty making friends
12. Chronic physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches without any apparent reason, or, “Mommy, I can’t breathe…”

Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks in Your Child

The symptoms of anxiety attacks in your child one time does not constitute an anxiety disorder.  Only when panic attacks become recurring does it suggest an anxiety “condition.”  However, by the time a parent notices one panic attack, the odds are that the child has already had other attacks previously that escaped notice.

A child is under an anxiety attack if he shows the following symptoms:

• Gush of overwhelming panic
• Hot flashes or chills
• Trouble breathing or choking sensation
• Feeling of loosing control or going crazy
• Feeling and fear of dying
• Feeling unreal or detach
• Nausea or stomach cramps
• Hyperventilation. IMPORTANT NOTE:  When your child says, “It’s hard to breathe,” or “I can’t get enough air…” then he or she may be reporting hyperventilation and it’s good to ask about the other symptoms of panic attacks.
• Shaking or trembling
• Feeling like passing out
• Chest pain or heart palpitation

Different children of different ages or even of the same age may manifest different symptoms. Moreover, some of the symptoms given may be considered as a normal behavior of a child when there are no other symptoms. Thus it is a bit tricky to determine if he or she is really having an attack or not. What should be done is to recognize these symptoms and consider them as a reason of concern, then help your child deal with these symptoms through the following: Seek help from health professional at least once to get a good diagnostic read.  Many parents do not do this.  Why?  Because if they are avoiding marriage councelling for themselves, then they may also be in denial about what all the marital tension is doing to the kids.

Effectively stopping anxiety attacks begins with recognition and followed by a compete diagnosis from your medical doctor. A full medical examination should be administered in order to rule out any other physical causes unrelated to anxiety. Doctors usually give prescription medications to help relieve anxiety.  SSRI antidepressants are the best because they are not addictive and they give the child much-needed relief so that they can work with a psychologist on natural ways to deal with the anxiety.

Self Help for Panic Attacks…for Your Son or Daughter

Parents may seek the help of books available for treating child anxiety. This is also very effective in teaching parents strategies for responsible parenting, which improve parent-child relationship and help build child self-confidence and self-esteem. Play therapy – is the child version of exposure therapy. As an effective child anxiety treatment, play therapy uses the power of play to simulate each fearful situation in a controlled environment, which then helps the child face the problem and come up with a solution.

Causes of Child Anxiety Attacks

Child anxiety, just like that of adults, is a normal, healthy emotion felt as a response to certain stimuli. But when anxiety becomes recurring, irrational and intense, it may be considered as a disorder. Episodes of anxiety attacks can disable the child from performing his daily duties in school and at home. And while it is generally safe, anxiety attacks can affect how the child lives.

What’s the Big Deal?

Recurring panic attacks almost always have a negative impact on a child’s ability to concentrate in school, enjoy play, and sleep well. Panic attacks create dysfunction in a child’s socializing. Since children are more fragile, they more vulnerable to such attacks and the effects of these attacks may be more severe than to adults.  If a child is not having impaired concentration from the tension between mom and dad, then the panic attacks will certainly impair concentration.  Marriage councelling can become the first step in facing what is happening in the family as a whole.

But what causes anxiety attacks?   Two of the most common reasons of anxiety attacks are school phobia or separation anxiety.  But these may be masking the root cause:  fear that mom and dad are going to get a divorce.   Sometimes an anxiety attack is brought about by unresolved internal issues , which are not directly connected with the trigger. For example, a child who experiences a death of a loved one may panic whenever a certain reminders of death or loss come up in a TV show.  Or, overhearing an argument between mom and dad can trigger the feelings of previous fears and losses.  The traumatic experience that he or she went through in the past which are not processed properly can come out, in this case through an attack.

A child may also show episodes of anxiety attacks because the problem at hand reminded him or her about family conflicts. Fighting in the family as well as anticipating the divorce of parents may be traumatic to a child that when witnessing a similar situation, he or she goes into a panic.  If you marriage problems have been going on for more than two months, it’s best to swallow your pride and schedule an initial session of marriage councelling.

Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you can’t go out on a date – with your spouse that is. Dates keep the romance fresh and alive in a relationship. Here are seven date ideas that don’t even require leaving home.

1. Have a Picnic on the Floor. This is one place where the weather won’t change. The conditions in your home are perfect for a picnic anytime. Spread out the traditional gingham blanket and let the fun begin. Turn off the television and turn on the environmental music sounds to achieve the full effect of the outdoor atmosphere.
2. What about a Movie Night? We all like to turn down the lights and enjoy a good flick. This type of date is perfect for parents of small children. Once the little ones are tucked in bed and off in la-la land, set the scene. Pop a large bag or two of popcorn and your favorite drinks and snuggle up on the couch or a blanket on the floor. Take turns watching each other’s favorite type of movies.
3. Game Night. What are your favorite games? Mix it up a bit between board games, video games, and kid’s games. Yes, I said kid’s games. You and your husband can play hopscotch, Twister, or I Spy. The night is about laughs and getting to know each other again, so have fun with it.
4. Spend a Winter in the Mountains. If it’s cold outside, find warmth around a cozy fire. In the absence of a fireplace, light some candles for a romantic mood. Make a cozy pallet on the floor and serve hot cocoa with marshmallows. Enjoy some wine, cheese, and fresh fruit together to help you keep warm.
5. What about a Spa Night? Dress up in terry cloth robes and fuzzy slippers. Give each other manicures and pedicures. Men aren’t too practiced in this area so your handiwork may look better than his, but it is the thought that counts. Finish up with massages.
6. Night at the Strip Club. For a bit more seductive living room date, take it all off – literally. Leading up to the date, pick out your outfits and practice your “routine.” Don’t take it too seriously though. Have some fun with it and each other.

You don’t have to leave your home to have an interesting date and you don’t have to go to marriage councelling to use a little of your own creativity.  Turn your living room into any locale you can imagine to make it fun and out of the ordinary.  Turn your marriage into a laboratory for romantic experiments.