Do you walk around with a sense that something isn’t right or a feeling of unease? You work to cover up your feelings for the sake of a peaceful marriage or to avoid conflicts with the family. Women who have difficulty with self-esteem or feel they have no self-worth are often more at risk of becoming involved in relationships where they are abused either verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically. Sometimes the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship isn’t recognized by either partner.  If you are in an abusive relationship, marriage councelling is not likely to help.  It’s more important that you understand what is going on and draw from the wisdom and planning that  other people have developed while walking along similar roads to yours.  Secrecy is your greatest enemy.  Why?  Because that’s how you lose perspective which leads to decisions that you have profound regrets about later.

Sometimes wives or husbands right off the behavior as moodiness or that the person is having a bad day. The abusers personality is often described as being high strung or difficult. And the abuser may or may not apologize. According to some experts there are approximately 4 million women who are physically battered each year. Some say it’s a conservative number and that this number can never really be determined. This physical battering between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends has been a silent problem for years. Many times women are embarrassed or shocked to be the victims of abuse and so they try to hide it. The avoid marriage councelling. Sometimes the abused don’t recognize they are being abused. And sometimes the abused don’t feel as if they have a choice. There are warning signs that may or may not be evident in a dating relationship or may show up after the marriage has taken place. If and when you notice them take heed and watch carefully. Only through recognition will the abused be able to take the steps needed to protect themselves physically and mentally as well as the well-being of their children.

One warning sign of an abusive marriage or relationship is harsh, continual criticism of physical appearances. This type of abuse begins with seemingly innocent suggestions and progresses to demands or ridicule. This type of abuse escalates over time and often chooses to degrade physical appearance. Disrespect and dishonor will often lead to other forms of abuse. Have you heard of the saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Fortunately this is often very true. To many times people get involved in relationships before getting to know the family. The fortunate part is that patterns of abuse are handed down from generation to generation within families.

Without individual or marriage councelling, a partner can lose self-confidence in a big way.  This leads to huge distortions in excuse-making:  “He didn’t really mean to hurt me… besides, it was my fault for making him angry.

An Ounce of Prevention or a Pound of Marriage Councelling Later?

Getting to know the family may be the best estimation that a dating partner has to get a glimpse into their possible future. Because abuse is such a secret it is usually hidden from people outside the family. But there are a few traits that can be identified in people who were raised in an abusive relationship. Alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental or verbal abuse leave signs behind for years to come. If your partner doesn’t voluntarily give up the details you can ask questions to flush out the whole story.

Answers to questions about parents personalities, how parents resolved conflict, if one parent always gives in or how parents disciplined the children will give clues to how respect is handled in the family or reflect selfishness. Usually violent people can’t let go of their anger. They have a deep need to control their environment. And the rules of their control of their environment can change within minutes.

For instance the abuser may have certain rule about behavior in the home but these rules can change instantly if the change allows him or her to release their anger on the person being abused. These threats must be taken seriously. If the person you are dating or are married to has trouble managing their anger don’t overlook their behavior. Don’t pass off the behavior because they had a hard day, are high strung or were so sorry later. There are dangerous consequences of continuing the relationship. Does your partner: Destroy your personal belongings? Touch you in ways that hurt or scare you or forbids you from seeking medical attention? Make you feel humiliated? Dominate or control your behavior? Threaten you with violence? Or isolate you from friends and family? Control your money? If you answer yes to any of these questions these are signs of an abusive marriage or relationship. What if your partner: Checks up on you’re a lot? Listens in on your phone calls or constantly asks where you are. Puts you down. For example name-calling, criticism, or private/public humiliation. Justifies their jealously as a sign of love or threatens the people, family or pets you love. Then you are in an abusive marriage or relationship. The emotional scars from mental, physical, emotional or verbal abuse can last a lifetime. Regardless of the type of abuse you may have suffered, or your gender, learning to identify the situation correctly by the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship will help you to remove yourself and your loved ones before there are more serious consequences.

For more resources and tips see Marriage-Councelling-Tips.com.

All marriage counseling is not the same.   There are many variables.  This blog is about empowering people to save money, time, heartache, and stress in their pursuit of marriage counseling.  When I say it matters how you spell it I simply mean that the kind of marriage counseling you enter into can make the difference between results and disappointment.

At the same time, it’s interesting to note that the term marriage counseling is often mispelled as marriage councelling or marriage counceling.  Is it because people try to stay away from saying or writing this dreaded term until they believe it is the last resort?  Spend some time with this blog and you might be able to answer that question for yourself.  In the meantime, this blog is about making you a good consumer of marriage councelling services. If you are going to try to save a marriage, you better find the best resources.

One of the important questions to ask when you begin your search is:

Question: How can I find a reliable source to give me a good referral?