Sometimes a marriage bond has been compromised so greatly that many couples wonder, can marriage councelling repair a marriage?  Or, can separation save a marriage? They may have heard of other couples that have separated for some time only to get back together with a renewed sense of commitment to each other. Some may have known those who have had to separate just for a certain amount of time but have ridden out the storm and continued with their marriage. Still others wonder, can separation save a marriage or does this mean the beginning of the end? Is marriage councelling effective if a husband and wife are separated? Obviously every case is different and there are no guarantees in any situation but there are some things to think about if you are considering separation for yourself and your spouse.

After an Affair:  What About Marriage Councelling?

One of the reasons that most marriages don’t survive an affair is that the spouse who strays does not break off contact with the other man or woman.  Some husbands ( and wives) enter into marriage councelling while they are still in contact with the other woman!  Whether it’s an affair or some other major violation of trust and commitment, some couples wonder if it’s best to separate while the innocent spouse works out his or her feelings of betrayal. He or she needs to figure out if they are going to forgive their marriage mate, and what changes might need to be made to go forward. It may be difficult to think these things through if one is still living with the unfaithful partner. So, can separation save a marriage after an affair? It of course depends on how the innocent spouse feels and if he or she can effectively deal with those feelings and forgive, and if both spouses are willing to work on whatever it is that led to the affair. Obviously the guilty party would need to take responsibility for his or her actions and make sure that things have changed so that there’s no risk of a second unfaithfulness; this might mean changing jobs or moving to a new place or something else as major.

Can Separation Repair a Marriage if the Couple is Active in Marriage Councelling?

Can separation save a marriage if both spouses are just having difficulties in living with one another? Again, there are no universal answers and what works for one couple may not work for another. It may be that some time apart gives each one a new perspective on his or her behavior and how they may be contributing to the problems in a marriage. Sometimes when you are living in close quarters with someone, your own anger or resentment toward their behavior makes you blind to your own actions. Being separated can help to put that anger and frustration aside so as to have a clearer picture on what changes need to be made by both of you.

So, can separation save a marriage? Sometimes it can, if both spouses see it as just a temporary arrangement and have specific goals in mind for what they hope to accomplish through this separation. If they are both willing to work to get back together and to address the problems that have led up to this separation, then it may be a positive change for both of them.

Marriage councelling can make the separation have structure, focus, and a limited time span.  If the rules of the separation are negotiated together with a therapist, then the separation is more likely to be constructive.