According to Howard Markman, Ph. D, Professor of Psychology and, head of the Center for marital and family studies at the University of Denver,  “The quality of the couple’s communication before marriage is one of the best predictors of future marital success.”  I totally agree with this Prof. Because in every marriage, personal differences between spouses will definitely arise.  But have it in your mind that it is not the differences that matter.  With respect to communication skill, what matters is how those differences are handled and resolved.  And resolving differences correctly demands communication skill which is far more than just having a good vocabulary or language ability.  It’s what Dr. Greg Hamlin calls “repair mechanisms.”

Communication skill can be learned in the context of good marriage councelling, but the test of progress involves a couple resolving differences outside of marriage councelling.  Communication skill  is a total package including things like:

• Sincerity, Motive or Intention
• Non-Linguistic expressions (tone or voice, volume, smiles, laughter, crying, verbal sounds etc)
• Physical expressions (facial expressions, look of the eyes, body language, posture etc)
• Linguistic expressions (what is said, implications, what is not said)
• Honesty
• Self-awareness
• Empathy
• Fairness
• Willingness to accept responsibility appropriate to the situation

“Let’s Do Lunch” is One of the Most Overlooked Romance Ideas

The recession has caused many couples to focus in new ways to enjoy each other without spending a lot of money.  One of the more neglected romance ideas is really very simple.  Meet for lunch.  Yes, you can save money, but that is not the main benefit.  It’s a way of beginning to change your relationship in a way that says without words, “Honey, what matters to me is time with you, not how much money we spend…”

You really can save money and score points with your spouse.  How long has it been since you spent time in the middle of the day with your spouse? When couples get married it doesn’t take long to settle into a routine. Most of us are busy with jobs and children and other activities and don’t often think about romance in the middle of the day. But that is precisely why you should.

The element of surprise and spontaneity are what makes lunchtime dates such a success.  The element of surprise and spontaneity doesn’t cost money.  And yet, it’s worth more than anything you could buy.

When you wish to save money, a lunchtime date can be a real bonus. Lunch meals are cheaper meals that will enrich your love life without emptying out your wallet. How do you plan a lunch date with your spouse? Here are a few romance ideas for surprising your spouse with a workday romantic lunch for two:

#1 Check your spouse’s schedule to Prevent Competing Obligations from Distracting Your Enjoyment

This may require hatching a plan with someone on your spouse’s job if lunch hours are scheduled. Whether you are taking your spouse out for lunch or providing a picnic lunch in the office, you’ll need to know when a good time is to take your sweetheart out. Keep your lunch date a surprise from your spouse if at all possible to make it more fun. Be sure to allow enough time for a relaxed meal. Again, enlist the aid of your spouse’s boss and/or coworkers to set the stage.

#2 Plan to Save Money But Don’t Talk About Saving Money

For example, you will need to decide on a menu. You may want to fix something at home to save money. Cold cut sandwiches, cheese and fruit, sparkling cider and something simple like appetizers are not time consuming or expensive. Pack everything in a pretty picnic basket or decorated box. Don’t forget to bring along glasses, plates, flatware, and napkins.

If you decide to eat at a restaurant, be sure to call ahead for specials and prices so you are not surprised and know you are within your budget. Nothing ruins a romantic date like going in debt to pay for a meal… especially if money issues are currently a source of tension between you.

#3  What About a Planned Lunch?

A planned lunch can be just as effective, especially if you spouse has told you that he or she doesn’t like surprises!  Surprising your loved one with a lunch date may not be possible or even desirable for you. You may be the type of couple that likes planning things together. In planning lunch dates with your spouse you have the added bonus of the anticipation for both of you.  The surprise element is not the most important of romantic ideas.  Rather, it is much more important to demonstrate that your spouse is important to you.  This is primarily accomplished by planning.  Either you plan the surprise or you plan something that you and your spouse can look forward to experiencing together.

If scheduling lunch dates is more your speed, you just need to do a few things first. Of course, you’ll want to decide on the day, but then let the fun begin. You may want to start figuring out where you want to meet for lunch by going down memory lane. Remember some of the dates that you had when you were just getting to know each other. Where did you go? What did you both like about those places? Recreate those experiences and feelings, and you and your spouse will recreate the romance.

#4 Remember What Attracted You to Each Other and Specific Good Time You’ve Enjoyed Together

Going back in time and reliving some of your younger dates while you plan has another advantage. When you were young and first dating, you probably didn’t have much money. Lunch and dinner dates were very often quite creative in order to eat on limited funds. Recreating those moments will save money which means you can meet for lunch more often! You probably brown-bagged it, ate at hot dog stands, or at inexpensive sidewalk cafes. You may have even stopped in a theater and bought a bag of popcorn for lunch! These cheap dates are the things that memories are made of. Eat like kids and you’ll feel young at heart.

But dates aren’t all about eating. If you are in the park, bring a Frisbee or a football. Toss it around a bit to enjoy a few laughs. If you are on a lake with paddle boats, take a ride and enjoy the solitude to talk and reconnect. Lay back on your picnic blanket and talk. Learn something new about your spouse and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Play like kids and you’ll feel young at heart, too.

You and your spouse deserve a little time for sweet talk and laughter in the middle of the day. A lunchtime date can bring out the romance in the most ordinary day; and lead to more electric romance ideas in the evening!  So don’t be afraid to scheme and plan to save money with your date.  Romance ideas that save money at the same time usually fly well if it’s clear that you spend two other types of currency:  thoughtfulness and time.

Sometimes Marriage Communication Skill Means No Call to Action

In sales people are trained to always communicate with a “call to action.”  The car sales person wants you to sign the paperwork.  The door-to-door saleswoman wants you to invite her in.  The internet ad says, “click here.”

Sometimes, in marriage, we can use our communication skill of NOT asking our spouse to do something.  Instead, you plant the seed.

What does this mean?

It means that you float the idea without asking, “What do you think?”  You deliberately and intentionally refrain from asking your spouse for his or her initial reaction–especially if you already suspect it will be negative.

Actually, this requires more than one communications skill.  Let’s look at some of them.

Communication Skill #1:  Let the Idea Germinate by Painting Word Pictures

How do you let your idea germinate in the mind of your spouse?  Whenever you talk about your idea, you must paint a word picture of one of the benefits.  Appeal to all five senses.  The steps go something like this:

1. Talk about that trip as a fantasy.  Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing in your own mind? Do not ask for feedback.  This is just the blah blah blah stage.  But it’s vivid blah blah blah.
2. Some days or weeks (not hours) talk about the idea describing a very vivid scene.  “Yesterday at the stop light I found myself thinking about that white sand on my relaxed, bare feet…”  Again, do not ask for a decision or even a comment.  If a negative comment comes, just say, “I know, I know, I’m just thinking about it.”
3. Let more time go by.
4. Talk about another positive aspect of your idea and give reasons why it interests you.  Then end by saying, “It’s just an idea.  Just think about it.”
5. Let more time go by.
6. Be patient.
7. From time to time, talk about the idea without any pressure.  You are simply polling your spouse from time to time to see if the idea is growing in his or her mind.  It’s like checking the garden to see if the carrot seeds have germinated.
8. Once you are sure that he or she has been thinking about it, then you can softly, gently talk about how you see some of the practical details working out.  At this stage, you are trying to address the question of feasibility.  It’s not yet a full blown plan.  In fact, you don’t want to present a plan.  Why?  Because it’s your plan, not the plan that the two of you came up with together.  Give your spouse a chance to make up his or her mind out the idea without any timeline attached.  It’s easier to enjoy the fantasy of an idea without having to put money down.

Communication Skill #2:  Be Sincere and Not Manipulative

This way of introducing a new idea to your spouse is not about manipulation.  It’s about being respectful of the rate at which people accept new ideas.  Think of the golden rule:  wouldn’t you rather have your spouse give you time to mull something over instead of pressing for a decision?

One could argue that being sincere is not a communication skill, but rather a character quality.  But I disagree.  I think sincerity in marriage should be intentional.  You make a decision to have no trickery.  You don’t hide certain facts that you know detract from you idea.  Your communication skill is seen in your timing.

Communication Skill #3:    Watch Your Tone and Your Demeanor

Here’s what NOT to do:  “Honey, I saw this ad for a package deal to Hawaii, but I didn’t really look at it because I knew you would just see the price tag…”

Eliminate sarcasm, be positive.  Remember that often our spouse will end up mirroring back to us our own attitudes.

Communication Skill #4:  Be Patient in the Process of Change

Introducing new ideas is much more like gardening than it is about selling.  When you plant a garden you can’t just say, “I’ll just put all the water on the garden now, so I don’t have to water it again.”  Obviously, that doesn’t work.  But it’s amazing how many spouses introduce an idea and then press for commitment and decision in the same conversation.  Remember the golden rule.  Do you like to be hit like that with a new idea from your spouse?

These communication skills are not for every occasion.  There are times when you have to confront.  But most people seem to go to confrontation (or total avoidance) too quickly.

Send Your Spouse a Handwritten Invitation

The message will read, “You are cordially invited to an evening of foreplay…” or something like it!  While a game night might not be the first thing you think of concerning romance ideas, it serves the romantic cause in at least 3 ways.

First, it builds good tension.  You know, the kind of tension that makes both of you horny.  Second, it reduces bad tension and counters the symptoms of stress that build up in day-to-day life.  Third, it helps get you both out of communication ruts.  If you have children, it’s so easy for all your interaction to end up being about logistics and coordination of activities.

You have probably already had the idea of enjoying family game nights with your kids. But what about actually enjoying a game alone with your spouse?  Sexy, sexy, sexy.  Mmmmm…..

Along with being fun, a little competition on foreplay game night can be one of your best romance ideas.  It often adds another level of  excitement and helps prevent stress from dominating your time together. Let’s see what sorts of games to consider and how you might want to use them to turn up the romance, and the heat, with your spouse:

Instead of Twitter, How About Twister …with a Twist!

You don’t have to stretch your imagination too much to know why a game of tangled bodies can turn up the heat. Of course, this game has been around a long time, but now that you’re all grown up, you can rediscover a whole new angle to the game. Now that you and your spouse are looking for games to get the blood pumping again, consider rethinking this classic game.  Yes, it’s one of my favorite romance ideas.

To add a little extra spice to your grownup version, slip into your prettiest, softest, and even skimpiest nightwear. It can get pretty silly, but isn’t that why you got married in the first place? Have a few laughs and watch the romance build a bit. And, those sore muscles could even lead to a pleasant rubdown for both of you!

Board Games to Bring Out the Kid in You

Rekindle those fond feelings for each other by taking a trip through your youth. Romance often follows a night of frivolity and laughter because the normal, everyday symptoms of stress work against romance.  Playing games that are silly and fun is a sure way to bring on a giggle and more! Of course, you can tweak these board games a little to turn your game night into a night that makes you blush, and fall in love all over again. Some suggestions for board games to fill the evening with fun, your best romance ideas, and a bit of friendly competition are:

• Monopoly – buy properties using romantic or sexy bartering instead of money.  Hmmm….Let’s see…What do I win if you land on my hotel….?
• Sorry – play with no holds barred then spend the rest of the night making up.
• Candy Land – make your sweet surprises a bit more grownup.
• Battleship – fast paced and full of competitive moves which get the blood boiling.
• Checkers – perhaps ‘king me’ could take on a whole new meaning.
• Chess – Oh, come on!  Use your imagination!

Strip Poker, Card Games, and No-Brainer Romance Ideas

You can take any card game you enjoy playing and make the stakes a bit more romantic or tantalizing. Instead of playing poker or gin rummy for money or matchsticks, play for special treats, like backrubs or a sexy dessert, or whatever heats up your spouse. You can even create your own deck of cards for your game using symbols that suggest what’s in store for the winner… or loser. Of course, no one really loses at these games!

The most well-known adult card game is probably strip poker. You can make this game even more fun by coming up with a variety of inventive stakes the ‘loser’ must pay. How about doing a sexy dance? Think of a dozen or so grownup treats your spouse would enjoy winning, then set up your game table and get those cards shuffled.

A romantic game night is all about the two of you bonding together and having fun, maybe with a few intimate moments added. Send the kids to Grandma’s house for the night and play a few games of your own!

Is the 7-Year Itch a Myth or Fact?

The seven-year itch was term coined after a 1955 film starring Marilyn Monroe in which she charmed her neighbor into straying while the wife and family are out of town for the summer. Since that time the term has come to mean disaster and infidelity in the life cycle of a marriage and sometimes viewed as a myth perpetuated by Hollywood.

However, this so called myth may be based on some degree of truth. According to several studies 95% of couples will express a decline in happiness and satisfaction in the first 10 years of marriage.

From the survey the researchers found that there were two general periods during which marriages suffered from angst and dissatisfaction. The first occurred after the fireworks and passion had subsided after the honeymoon phase or around year four. Then again this happened around year eight.

Others have a more anthropological view of things and believe that humans were designed to give birth every four years. This four-year span was enough for a couple to pair up, birth a child and rear it through infancy before splitting up for another coupling. This is a rather interesting view of marriage and life-time commitment but one which bears at least a comment.  Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction?   If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?

According to an anthropologist at the Human Evolutionary Studies from Rutgers University this represents a four year itch because of ‘biological programming’ and doesn’t have anything to do with sociological or emotional issues. Rather it has something to do with our desire to reproduce.  Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction?   If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?

On the other hand, according to other experts, the first decline at four years is normal as they adjust to their new titles, positions and responsibilities to each other. The second 8-year benchmark is often associated with the addition of children to the family.  Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction?   If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?

Couple who think they are going through a seven-year itch find they will begin to disagree with each other more, show less affection and share fewer romantic moments and thus feel generally unfulfilled in their marriages.

But, while some experts believe the seven year mark is more fiction or coincidence than reality statistics from the late 1980’s and early 1990’s show that the median duration of marriage that ended in divorce was 7.2 years.

Although the statistics don’t hold true for every couple there also seems to be steeper declines in satisfaction of marriage for couples who have had children. There are several theories as to why couples with children may find that their satisfaction with marriage declines but the one that makes the most sense is that they also have less time for themselves and each other with the increased responsibility. With decreased time to nurture their relationship feelings and closeness suffers.  Is the 7-year itch fact or fiction?   If it is a “normal” stage of married life, can marriage councelling help?  If not, then where does the myth come from?

With the information that researchers and psychologists have about relationships and marriage the best guess is that although there is a greater degree of dissatisfaction around year seven as couples learn to cope with the stressors of everyday life and a growing family, the definition wouldn’t normally be called an ‘itch’ but rather a realization that the relationship isn’t the honeymoon it once was. However, most couples find that with patience, compassion and mercy for themselves and each other they are able to work past the bumps in the road and move toward a satisfying long-term relationship that is satisfying into their retirement years.

The Real Problem is Not the Itch

The real problem is that people go into marriage with unrealistic, dysfunctional expectations.  Dysfunctional? Really?  Yes.  Couples often approach marriage with the assumptions or expectations that marriage will be:

1. Marriage will not require an enormous amount of effort to keep it alive and growing.
2. Marriage ceases to be something of value as soon as the fireworks stop or lag.
3. Once the spark leaves it means the marriage is dead without any possibility of reviving the electricity and pleasure.
4. It’s OK to cheat if you don’t get caught. Besides, cheating is normal.

The striking thing about this list is not only that it is generally true of couples’ expectations, but it is 180 degrees in the opposite direction of how couples with long, healthy marriages view the marriage relationship.

Do you walk around with a sense that something isn’t right or a feeling of unease? You work to cover up your feelings for the sake of a peaceful marriage or to avoid conflicts with the family. Women who have difficulty with self-esteem or feel they have no self-worth are often more at risk of becoming involved in relationships where they are abused either verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically. Sometimes the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship isn’t recognized by either partner.  If you are in an abusive relationship, marriage councelling is not likely to help.  It’s more important that you understand what is going on and draw from the wisdom and planning that  other people have developed while walking along similar roads to yours.  Secrecy is your greatest enemy.  Why?  Because that’s how you lose perspective which leads to decisions that you have profound regrets about later.

Sometimes wives or husbands right off the behavior as moodiness or that the person is having a bad day. The abusers personality is often described as being high strung or difficult. And the abuser may or may not apologize. According to some experts there are approximately 4 million women who are physically battered each year. Some say it’s a conservative number and that this number can never really be determined. This physical battering between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends has been a silent problem for years. Many times women are embarrassed or shocked to be the victims of abuse and so they try to hide it. The avoid marriage councelling. Sometimes the abused don’t recognize they are being abused. And sometimes the abused don’t feel as if they have a choice. There are warning signs that may or may not be evident in a dating relationship or may show up after the marriage has taken place. If and when you notice them take heed and watch carefully. Only through recognition will the abused be able to take the steps needed to protect themselves physically and mentally as well as the well-being of their children.

One warning sign of an abusive marriage or relationship is harsh, continual criticism of physical appearances. This type of abuse begins with seemingly innocent suggestions and progresses to demands or ridicule. This type of abuse escalates over time and often chooses to degrade physical appearance. Disrespect and dishonor will often lead to other forms of abuse. Have you heard of the saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Fortunately this is often very true. To many times people get involved in relationships before getting to know the family. The fortunate part is that patterns of abuse are handed down from generation to generation within families.

Without individual or marriage councelling, a partner can lose self-confidence in a big way.  This leads to huge distortions in excuse-making:  “He didn’t really mean to hurt me… besides, it was my fault for making him angry.

An Ounce of Prevention or a Pound of Marriage Councelling Later?

Getting to know the family may be the best estimation that a dating partner has to get a glimpse into their possible future. Because abuse is such a secret it is usually hidden from people outside the family. But there are a few traits that can be identified in people who were raised in an abusive relationship. Alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental or verbal abuse leave signs behind for years to come. If your partner doesn’t voluntarily give up the details you can ask questions to flush out the whole story.

Answers to questions about parents personalities, how parents resolved conflict, if one parent always gives in or how parents disciplined the children will give clues to how respect is handled in the family or reflect selfishness. Usually violent people can’t let go of their anger. They have a deep need to control their environment. And the rules of their control of their environment can change within minutes.

For instance the abuser may have certain rule about behavior in the home but these rules can change instantly if the change allows him or her to release their anger on the person being abused. These threats must be taken seriously. If the person you are dating or are married to has trouble managing their anger don’t overlook their behavior. Don’t pass off the behavior because they had a hard day, are high strung or were so sorry later. There are dangerous consequences of continuing the relationship. Does your partner: Destroy your personal belongings? Touch you in ways that hurt or scare you or forbids you from seeking medical attention? Make you feel humiliated? Dominate or control your behavior? Threaten you with violence? Or isolate you from friends and family? Control your money? If you answer yes to any of these questions these are signs of an abusive marriage or relationship. What if your partner: Checks up on you’re a lot? Listens in on your phone calls or constantly asks where you are. Puts you down. For example name-calling, criticism, or private/public humiliation. Justifies their jealously as a sign of love or threatens the people, family or pets you love. Then you are in an abusive marriage or relationship. The emotional scars from mental, physical, emotional or verbal abuse can last a lifetime. Regardless of the type of abuse you may have suffered, or your gender, learning to identify the situation correctly by the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship will help you to remove yourself and your loved ones before there are more serious consequences.

For more resources and tips see Marriage-Councelling-Tips.com.

Marriage and the workaholic

Have you heard women or men complain before that their spouse is married to their job? Maybe that person is even you. Your spouse stays late at work and gets up early each morning to beat everyone else to the office.

Do you wonder why you have drifted apart and feel disconnected from your spouse? Do you feel like you are saying hello and goodbye in the same sentence each day? It’s time to stop and take stock of what’s happening in your lives.

Men who are workaholics aren’t as fashionable as they once were. Referred to as ‘direct deposit daddies’ the man who once provided for his family through long hours and no involvement is no longer revered. The expectation is still that men will provide for the family but there is an expectation of a more balanced life.

A workaholic has an unhealthy tie to their work and find all of their self-esteem and justification through work. They are addicted to work, career and getting ahead. They often believe they are the only one who can do the job correctly and have a need for control at work.

These symptoms are often the sign of a man who is insecure in his position at the company. They take little time for family, hobbies, or just relaxing. There is no balance in their lives.

Marriage and the workaholic has dangers. These dangers include loneliness in both partners that can lead to finding someone else to fill the void. It can start as a casual friendship but may also lead to deeper friendship and adultery. Busyness takes precedence over spending time with the spouse, family and friends. And because there is a lack of interest in things that used to bring you happiness there is also a danger of depression.

Men and women who suffer from being a workaholic also suffer from a higher risk of health problems that are a result of a lack of balance in their lives, fatigue and lack of exercise. Mental health problems and stress related issues also become more apparent in the person who is suffering from being a workaholic.

But there are remedies to marriage and the workaholic. The first is to recognize the problem as a real problem and not something that is imagined or made up. And the next is to realize that there is help for both of you. There are others that are in the same boat and who can offer you advice, support and brainstorm ways of dealing with specific situations because they have lived through it themselves.

If you choose to approach your husband or wife initially there are ways of doing it without making them feel attacked. It’s likely that this isn’t the first conversation about the number of work hours, the lack of time spent with you or the children and the wear and tear this is having on their health. But it must be a conversation where there are no accusations, fingers pointed or buttons pushed. The conversation should be approached from your standpoint and not the standpoint of the spouse who is a workaholic.

In other words the conversation should be approached with statement such as: “I feel lonely when you are away so often,”, “Is there anything I can do to make your work less stressful,” ,”It feels like you are under a great deal of stress right now, is there anything I can do to help?” Your spouse should feel and understand that you are trying to be supportive instead of accusing them of not being home, missing the last four of the kids events, or forgetting your birthday.

Don’t take no for an answer. Stress that this is your problem and you need their help. You want them to know that you are lonely and you miss the relationship you once shared. Ask them if they would be willing to try a few things that would help you to feel more connected. If you approach the problem as yours instead of accusing them of having a problem you are more likely to get a positive response.

Approach your spouse when they seem to be under less stress than usual. Don’t wait until they aren’t stressed at all because that day may never come.

Ask them if they would be willing to try some of the following things:

Set time apart to spend with you – even if it’s only 10 minutes each day.

During that time ask your spouse to be open about what was troubling that day and you also be honest without accusing.

Set one night a week when you and your spouse sit down to dinner with the entire family; no television, no sporting events, no newspaper, radio or iPods. This is not negotiable for the kids.

Have a special date night once a month. Celebrate your love for each other and do things that used to make you both happy.

Take one day each week when you spend several hours resting and relaxing. Rest is important to the body and it’s needed for your brain and emotions to recharge.

Ask your spouse to take a step back and take a good look at their life. Notice some of the things that are being sacrificed because of the time and attention spent at work. If the work environment needs to change maybe the help of a professional counselor to help find another job or field of work that may help to decrease the number of hours spent at work will help to improve home life.

Oftentimes people turn to entrepreneurial business to work from home and attempt to decrease their hours. Unfortunately those people who are more prone to being a workaholic will also find a way to pour hours and hours of their time into a business that they own in order to help it grow, especially in the early years. This may not be the best option possible.

Suggest to your spouse that you may want to take walks together each night. This will increase the time spent connecting as well as increasing the amount of physical activity they enjoy. When we are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained we are more likely to make poor choices, become ill or to eventually lose our jobs.

Marriage and the workaholic is difficult because oftentimes the workaholic feels that financial security is the excuse for the number of hours that they work. The realization may come that if all that is done is work then you will lose the relationships you have with your spouse and your children.

Although difficult to approach without becoming angry and hurt, a soft and gentle approach to the workaholic is more likely to garner positive, life changing results rather than an angry hurtful one. This is a task that is important enough that discussion with a trusted friend and role playing before the discussion can help you to maintain your cool and your ability to help your spouse see your side of the problem.

Anger, moodiness and arguments happen in all marital relationships. Every couple has arguments and disagreements. Every couple gets angry now and then – sometimes with each other, sometimes with circumstances of life. When anger is due to hypoglycemic symptoms, then eating a snack becomes more important than marriage councelling. Everyone gets moody now and then and may snap at their loved ones.

But what about when anger or marital arguments boil over into something far more serious?  Uncontrollable anger could be a result of hypoglycemic symptoms and if you or your spouse suffers from bouts of uncontrollable anger, or your arguments get out of hand, it’s possible that hypoglycemic symptoms are messing with your relationship.

Hypoglycemia is a condition where the brain isn’t getting enough of its main food – glucose. Glucose is a sugar that’s produced by the liver and is delivered in steady doses to the brain. This enables the brain to function correctly and to oversee the functions of all of your body’s systems. When the brain isn’t getting enough glucose, it can’t handle its many functions well, and you begin to notice hypoglycemic symptoms. They are:

• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Headache
• Hunger
• Shakiness
• Irritability
• Paleness
• Moodiness
• Clumsiness
• Confusion or lack of concentration
• Tingling around the mouth

You’ll notice that irritability and moodiness are two of the hypoglycemic symptoms on the list. If you add a pounding headache and confusion to the mix, you have the perfect breeding ground for anger. Because the brain is already not functioning well, it doesn’t have the capacity to regulate moods and reactions as well as it would if it were getting enough glucose.

You can see how hypoglycemic symptoms may lead to an angry outburst. Over-the-top anger is bad in any situation and can cause damage well beyond just the immediate outburst. In a marriage, if there are severe outbursts of anger and arguments, the outcome could be damage that is simply not repairable.

It’s important to be checked for hypoglycemia if angry outbursts are common. If the diagnosis is positive, treatment is fairly straightforward and fairly easy. Watching for hypoglycemic symptoms is your first step to ending anger and marital arguments that are just too much to take. Ask for a glucose tolerance test if there is suspicion that you or your partner are suffering from hypoglycemic symptoms.

Even if hypoglycemia is diagnosed and treated, you’ll still have times of irritation and some arguments – this is normal in any marriage. But if you treat the hypoglycemia carefully, you’ll find that the worst of the anger and arguments subside, as do the other hypoglycemic symptoms, leading to a happier, healthier life for everyone.

Who Will Advocate for Your Kids if You Don’t?

Starting  series of marriage councelling sessions can be an important way of caring for your children.  Unrelenting arguing between husband and wife is the perfect recipe for your child to develop an anxiety condition. The overwhelming emotions that the younger child feels combined with the sense of powerlessness to do anything about the problem eventually makes the child feel trapped.  When child knows mom and dad are in marriage councelling, he or she can relax because, in their minds, something is being done about the problem.  They don’t have to worry so much.

Child Anxiety Attacks

But when a child sees no solution her feeling of being trapped becomes the perfect soil for the symptoms of anxiety attacks. Just like adults, children experience fear, anxiety and apprehension. These are but normal emotional experiences that a person feels regardless of age. However, if anxiety becomes irrational, recurring and severe, and anxiety attacks happen without any apparent reason, and the reaction is disproportionate to the problem at hand, it can be a cause of concern.  Another benefit of marriage councelling in this case is that the parents may be a little more relaxed and thus have enough “mental space” to be attentive to how the conflicts are effecting the children.

This is why on the first signs of problem, have your child get proper diagnosis by a health professional to be able to rule out any possible causes and determine the right treatment to be applied. Since recurring anxiety attacks are often signs of an anxiety disorder, it is important to know what happens to a child who is suffering from a particular disorder.

To be able to identify it, here are the following symptoms:

1. Frequent feeling of fear and panic
2. Bed wetting
3. Tantrums and excessive crying
4. Fear of making mistakes
5. Fear of getting embarrassed
6. Avoidance of certain activities such as school event and summer camps
7. Nightmares and night terrors
8. Compulsive behaviors
9. Resistance to any change
10. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
11. Overly shy and difficulty making friends
12. Chronic physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches without any apparent reason, or, “Mommy, I can’t breathe…”

Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks in Your Child

The symptoms of anxiety attacks in your child one time does not constitute an anxiety disorder.  Only when panic attacks become recurring does it suggest an anxiety “condition.”  However, by the time a parent notices one panic attack, the odds are that the child has already had other attacks previously that escaped notice.

A child is under an anxiety attack if he shows the following symptoms:

• Gush of overwhelming panic
• Hot flashes or chills
• Trouble breathing or choking sensation
• Feeling of loosing control or going crazy
• Feeling and fear of dying
• Feeling unreal or detach
• Nausea or stomach cramps
• Hyperventilation. IMPORTANT NOTE:  When your child says, “It’s hard to breathe,” or “I can’t get enough air…” then he or she may be reporting hyperventilation and it’s good to ask about the other symptoms of panic attacks.
• Shaking or trembling
• Feeling like passing out
• Chest pain or heart palpitation

Different children of different ages or even of the same age may manifest different symptoms. Moreover, some of the symptoms given may be considered as a normal behavior of a child when there are no other symptoms. Thus it is a bit tricky to determine if he or she is really having an attack or not. What should be done is to recognize these symptoms and consider them as a reason of concern, then help your child deal with these symptoms through the following: Seek help from health professional at least once to get a good diagnostic read.  Many parents do not do this.  Why?  Because if they are avoiding marriage councelling for themselves, then they may also be in denial about what all the marital tension is doing to the kids.

Effectively stopping anxiety attacks begins with recognition and followed by a compete diagnosis from your medical doctor. A full medical examination should be administered in order to rule out any other physical causes unrelated to anxiety. Doctors usually give prescription medications to help relieve anxiety.  SSRI antidepressants are the best because they are not addictive and they give the child much-needed relief so that they can work with a psychologist on natural ways to deal with the anxiety.

Self Help for Panic Attacks…for Your Son or Daughter

Parents may seek the help of books available for treating child anxiety. This is also very effective in teaching parents strategies for responsible parenting, which improve parent-child relationship and help build child self-confidence and self-esteem. Play therapy – is the child version of exposure therapy. As an effective child anxiety treatment, play therapy uses the power of play to simulate each fearful situation in a controlled environment, which then helps the child face the problem and come up with a solution.

Causes of Child Anxiety Attacks

Child anxiety, just like that of adults, is a normal, healthy emotion felt as a response to certain stimuli. But when anxiety becomes recurring, irrational and intense, it may be considered as a disorder. Episodes of anxiety attacks can disable the child from performing his daily duties in school and at home. And while it is generally safe, anxiety attacks can affect how the child lives.

What’s the Big Deal?

Recurring panic attacks almost always have a negative impact on a child’s ability to concentrate in school, enjoy play, and sleep well. Panic attacks create dysfunction in a child’s socializing. Since children are more fragile, they more vulnerable to such attacks and the effects of these attacks may be more severe than to adults.  If a child is not having impaired concentration from the tension between mom and dad, then the panic attacks will certainly impair concentration.  Marriage councelling can become the first step in facing what is happening in the family as a whole.

But what causes anxiety attacks?   Two of the most common reasons of anxiety attacks are school phobia or separation anxiety.  But these may be masking the root cause:  fear that mom and dad are going to get a divorce.   Sometimes an anxiety attack is brought about by unresolved internal issues , which are not directly connected with the trigger. For example, a child who experiences a death of a loved one may panic whenever a certain reminders of death or loss come up in a TV show.  Or, overhearing an argument between mom and dad can trigger the feelings of previous fears and losses.  The traumatic experience that he or she went through in the past which are not processed properly can come out, in this case through an attack.

A child may also show episodes of anxiety attacks because the problem at hand reminded him or her about family conflicts. Fighting in the family as well as anticipating the divorce of parents may be traumatic to a child that when witnessing a similar situation, he or she goes into a panic.  If you marriage problems have been going on for more than two months, it’s best to swallow your pride and schedule an initial session of marriage councelling.

A marriage counsellor often find that communication techniques, tools, and concepts, can’t save a marriage if there is not an underlying love.  The problem, however, is that most people operate on an inadequate idea of what love is:

love = the romantic feeling we had when we first met or started having sex

What do you think?  Could you define love?  Try this:

love = a series of choices to work toward what is really good for another person

It’s said that love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. These days there may need to be a better phrase, since less and less people can even remember horse-drawn carriages, but it does make for a nice rhyme! Is it true that love and marriage cannot exist without one another, and why is that?

Many people try to think of marriage in a logical way. It’s a convenient arrangement where two people can split expenses and share responsibilities, and have someone to take care of them when they need it. But in reality, you can have a roommate with which to share expenses and hire someone to take care of you when you’re sick. Love and marriage belong together because marriage is a legal contract, but not just a business agreement. It is based on emotions of love, respect, and attraction. While over the years your love may seem as if it varies a bit – that strong physical attraction will fade, you will become more comfortable with each other and less excited every time that person is around – it will still be very strong as your dedication to each other continues. While love and marriage may at times seem as if they are at odds, in reality it’s that love that keeps two people together for the long haul. Trying to separate that love and marriage is a big reason as to why some marriages fade – couples try to force themselves to stay together for the sake of the children or try to reason with themselves that an abusive partner isn’t really that bad, and so on. Couples no longer act with love, and marriage is then compromised.

When two people love each other, do they necessarily need to get married? It’s interesting how many generations felt that living together was just as good as being legally married and there are some couples who have been able to make this work for many years, but there are some reasons to consider why love and marriage are intertwined. Far too many couples that simply live together still have the idea that if it doesn’t work out, they can just easily get up and leave. Obviously you can get out of a marriage also, but by leaving that door open for them by not getting married, couples seem to be betraying a lack of commitment to one another. It’s also true that their lives may not be as intertwined as they would think. Many often look at the arrangement as being “my things” and “their things” and “my friends” and “their friend,” whereas married couples usually see most things as “ours” and fewer things as “mine” or “yours.” So for most, love and marriage are connected because this is the best way to show their true commitment to each other and to really make sure that their lives are separate in some ways but joined in the most important of ways.